Wednesday, July 20, 2011
today is just another day
well, I got a letter from this blog site saying I had to post another update or they would cancel it. I really don't know what to write. There is so much to say, yet..I've said it so much that I don't care to repeat it. I guess I'll just talk about today and how this is a regular occurance on the way this major depression works.....Before I opened my eyes, I knew it was a "bad" day..."one of those days" you feel it in your mind, body, spirit, heart...everywhere. This is how I know it's a chemical or physiology thing. It's not like I wake up and it's raining and my dog just died and husband cheated on me..kind of thing. It's internal. I feel like a bus literally hit me. People say things like "think positive" or "you have to push yourself" believe me, after all of these years I've tried hundreds if not thousands of times to try these things and many more. Now yesterday, I woke up threw on some clothes and went grocery shopping before nine AM and did a little housework. But that is it. that is literally all I did. and for me at this point in my life..that is considered a very good day. To get out of my bed and sit on my couch and maybe call someone is considered a good day. Today...more than likely I wont eat and I will stay in bed all day and just watch tv on my computer and get on fb. I probably wont nap. It is very hard for me to nap. My anxiety stays so high that it is hard for me to sleep until I'm really wiped out. But then there are times where I will sleep for almost three days straight. this happens about every other month. I don't know what else to write..because it is a "bad" day..and I just don't feel like talking about it. Much love to all of you that read this.
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Missy, you are not that different- I have found myself many times doing the same things, feeling the same way, I agree that it is a chemical embalance - I was on anti-depresants for over 20 yrs, most of the time they help but I would fall right back into exactly what you have described here. And once I hit the bed to sleep, it would be days I would stay there, no matter how much sleep I got it was never enough, I'd wake up just as tired, or worse. And lets not talk about how much work I missed in the process. This is good that you talk about this, and it is good to know that you are not alone, there are some of us who understand because we are there too sometimes.. love ya
ReplyDeleteMelinda, I've been on anti depressants for over 13yrs. And we have yet to find any that work. Plus you know I've had those treatments. What do you do that's different than me? Are you better?
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you are still struggling so much! I wish there was more I could do for you but please know that I am here to talk whenever you need to! Thank God my trazadone makes me sleep, I couldn't even function when I wasn't sleeping. There is a scripture you can use for sleep, it says "when I lay down I will have both peace and sleep for you make me dwell in your safety" confess it a lot and I used to tell the devil that if he was going to keep me awake then I would just pray then of course I would fall asleep cause he doesn't want us praying. Hang in there! Also use the scripture that says "I have the mind of Christ" "Jesus didn't have a depressed mind and neither do I" also the scripture "the same spirit the raised Jesus from the dead lives inside of me and is quickening my mortal body" say "I command my body to line up with the word of God and the Word says that I am healed by Jesus' stripes" These things helped me stay focused on Jesus and kept my mind from getting carried away with the depressed thoughts. I pray that this will help you too. Take care and keep in touch even when you don't feel like it! That's a trap the devil tries to use to keep us isolated which is the worst thing you can do for depression!Luv ya
ReplyDeleteThanks Jodi! Those are great reminder scriptures! and great advice! thank you so much!! luv ya too!
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