today is just another day

well, I got a letter from this blog site saying I had to post another update or they would cancel it. I really don't know what to write. There is so much to say, yet..I've said it so much that I don't care to repeat it. I guess I'll just talk about today and how this is a regular occurance on the way this major depression works.....Before I opened my eyes, I knew it was a "bad" day..."one of those days" you feel it in your mind, body, spirit, heart...everywhere. This is how I know it's a chemical or physiology thing. It's not like I wake up and it's raining and my dog just died and husband cheated on me..kind of thing. It's internal. I feel like a bus literally hit me. People say things like "think positive" or "you have to push yourself" believe me, after all of these years I've tried hundreds if not thousands of times to try these things and many more. Now yesterday, I woke up threw on some clothes and went grocery shopping before nine AM and did a little housework. But that is it. that is literally all I did. and for me at this point in my life..that is considered a very good day. To get out of my bed and sit on my couch and maybe call someone is considered a good day. Today...more than likely I wont eat and I will stay in bed all day and just watch tv on my computer and get on fb. I probably wont nap. It is very hard for me to nap. My anxiety stays so high that it is hard for me to sleep until I'm really wiped out. But then there are times where I will sleep for almost three days straight. this happens about every other month. I don't know what else to write..because it is a "bad" day..and I just don't feel like talking about it. Much love to all of you that read this.