OK, I'm mainly blogging cuz I'm just really having a rough time these past few wks and I need prayer. Some of you know that I was diagnosed with anemia and my thyroid numbers got worse. So I know these two things have really laid more heavily on my depression. I've been on my iron pills and my upped thyroid meds for a week now, and I was hoping I would feel a little better, but if anything, I feel a worse. I looked up the side effects for iron and they did say it could cause drowsiness and weakness. It literally seems like any med I take I get the bad instead of the good. Even on stupid iron! Who would of thought? I haven't left the bed much in the past couple weeks. When I would go to the couch and do a little something around the house I was having a decent day. If I take out the trash. I thank God. If I wash 3 cups. I thank God. Because I know ANYTHING that I do outside of laying in my bed comes from God...because I just dont have it in me to do anything..pretty much that is to be taken in a literal sense. I don't know why I started this blog. I put so many embarassing (to me) things in it about my life, that I've kept to myself from everyone. Except maybe my mom. And still she doesnt know the extent of everything. No one does. I have my class reunion this Friday. And I thought I was excited about it. Well, I was trying to make myself. I got to get a new outfit. And my dad is paying for me to get my hair highlighted, so these are good things. But I am dreading it so much. It's not really the reunion I dread...but the getting ready for it. I run soooooooo low on energy and motivation that it makes me not want to do anything. WARNING. this next comment is super embarassing for me and I'm sure I'll regret that I wrote it. But tomorrow my mom is coming over to help me with my hair. I go so long (months) without washing it that it gets so tangled that I cant do it by myself. This has gone on for the last 6yrs. Everytime I say I'm not letting it get this bad again and everytime my mom says she's not helping me again. Well, here we are six years later. heehee. Thank goodness for my mom.
I rarely drink, but I probably will drink at the reunion. My anxiety gets so high on any given day and exceptionally high on events. And the alcohol calms my nerves. Don't get me wrong..I don't do this but for rarely. Alcoholism runs on both sides of my family so I know how easily that could turn my way. I believe God has saved me from going down that road. I know from close up experience that alcholics are depressed and are just self medicating. I stay in bed...they drink. Anyway. I guess I am just giving a little update. Also if you think of it, could you pray for my lonliness. I'm really super lonely. thanks everyone. love you...Missy.
