no title today.

I've been having several fleeting thoughts of suicide lately. Death just seems so easy. I guess it really is. To die is much easier than to live. I'm just so tired. Tired of being unhappy and overwhelmed and worthless to others. But today I remembered that I asked my Dr. to up one of my meds just a little, about a month ago. One that helps with anxiety/depression. It helps with the physical pain I get from these things. The thing is the last few years, whenever I try a new anti depressant I get more suicidal. oxymoron to say the least. But I always forget that the meds are USUALLY (in the past few years) what give me these thoughts. So I just went back tonite to the dose I was on before. I'm hoping this is the cause. Please pray for me. I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm trying to take steps to what the book I'm reading gives to get well. All natural things. But blessed be to God. He is the Lover of my soul and the only reason I keep on living.